Day 98: 100 Days of Scary

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We are down to the last 3 entries, my friends. What a ride it’s been.

Don’t worry, I’ll save the big speech for the final blog.

Day 98: I choose myself.

Most of these action steps haven’t happened independently of each other. They definitely didn’t happen on one day, but this one? I clearly had an “a-ha!” moment where choosing myself became actionable.

I chose me by choosing my health and well-being over what I felt I “should” be doing. I chose to focus on some new writing projects that I’m loving more than I ever thought possible. I’m choosing belief in myself that I can transition into a career that will make me ecstatic to get out of bed in the morning. I may not know what any of this looks like yet, but I believe that this is the best place to be. My heart is open enough to know what I want, and my mind is grounded enough to keep my focused on the work.

The rest of it? I’d rather not control this so much anymore. It’s more fun to just focus on the things I can do, and keep myself plugged into the universe around me. The last month has been downright magical in all areas of my life.

I stopped some negative internal dialogue that’s been going on for most of my life. Normally this returns like Gollum after the ring, and with a vengeance. Instead? I found true self-acceptance. For my flaws, for my good qualities, for things that I want to improve. I just let it all go.

loki-meme-let-it-go-frozen

I would be remiss if I didn’t pause a little bit here to talk about the journey you’ve all been a part of. I still remember – vividly – days where I was convinced that maybe this would be as good as things ever got for me. I didn’t have faith that things would change, even though a part of me knew that change is the one constant.

I’m at a much fuller, healthier, wholehearted place. This is good.

 

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