Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anaïs Nin
Hello everyone! Yeah, I know – I’ve been really remiss in keeping up with this blog.
The great news? I’ve actually been doing some freelance writing work, which has taken my time in new and glorious directions.
I started this blog for a few reasons. The first, to reboot my life in new and wonderful ways when my almost 3 year relationship ended. After having someone I loved break my heart into so many shards of glass, I had no idea what I had left to put back together (spoilers: A LOT). I needed a place to see the results of my daily work, because, let’s face it, we don’t often see our results.
The second reason? Because I have a form of depression called anxious depression, that manifests with a constant, chronic low-level anxiety. It starts when you’re pre-verbal, which means that my normal has always been a low-level anxious state.
It means for my entire life I couldn’t identify anxiety as an emotion, because I’ve always felt that way. And I had no idea that’s what it was.
No idea, that is, until I finally got things squared away to the point that I now know what a day without anxiety feels like. Which, in turn, made me anxious because IT’S A NEW FEELING OMG AND THEN WHAT IF IT JUST MEANS I’M CRAZY, AND…AND…AND…
As the last five days of this blog comes to a close, I wanted to express my gratitude for everyone who supported me through this and through all the trials and tribulations of the last year. I’m feeling like the best version of me I’ve ever been, and as wonderful as that is, it’s also scary for me, and probably more so for someone who isn’t battling anxiety on a daily basis.
But it’s so much less scary when you have wonderful family and friends to see you through it. Thank you all for being a part of my life.
I feel a million miles away from the girl who had a full-blown panic attack wondering if this was all there was, or all there ever would be.
Day 90 (July 19): Had a wonderful and exciting meeting with my friend and mentor, Stephanie. Said yes to more exciting things. That will announced later. Maybe 🙂
Day 91 (July 20): Said yes to a thing. More details to come later when said thing is more firmed up.
Day 92 (July 21): Spoke up about something at the day job, knowing that it was probably going to go unheard. It wasn’t heard, and oh well. But at least I said something for me.
Day 93 (July 22): Took a quick coffee break when my brain was stuck on a problem. Happy to report that coffee really did solve it – and so did just taking a few minutes to figure out how to do something smarter instead of harder.
Day 94 (July 23): I went to the Black Christmas Beer tasting at a local pub. The stouts and porters were dark and bourbon-laced; their grilled cheese game (with tater tots, I might add) was 100% on point. Two patrons brought their dogs, which meant I got to snuggle a bigger, but spitting image version of the dog my grandparents had when I was growing up and who I named Sandy. I also got to snuggle the sweetest Doberman who was super excited to get some love.
The big thing was: I went out, I socialized with people I don’t know, and shared beers. A good time was had by all.